Hello world. Livejournal world. That I have abandoned for two whole solid months. I mean, not entirely. But kind of. I suppose an explanation of my absence is in order, because the explanation also ties in with the current events of my life, so here we go.

Let's see. Where to start. December was a tough month for me. I had a good friend at work. His name is Nico. He had been working with me for over three years, and on December 12th, he was fired. I did a lot to try and help him get his job back- I called and left messages with my union rep, I talked to my Front End Manager and CSM and my Store Manager + anyone else in a position of authority I thought could help. It didn't do him any good, and though he never did anything to make me feel this way, I felt like I let him down, and I was angry and upset at myself and the situation. This was a deal, but not the major factor for my sudden silence.

THEN, on December 17th, my co-worker Mary was hit by a driver under the influence and was killed instantly. I was in Texas when this happened. I really didn't want to be in Texas after I found out. Mary was my friend. After the accident and after I came home, we put a picture of her and the information for people wishing to pay respects to her family on the service desk (where I work). Every day I worked, I would come in and look at her picture and know that she was gone. I would watch customers notice her picture and react. Sometimes they would merely remark on it, but sometimes they would freak out, start crying, need assistance. She had been at our store so long that she had many people who felt personally attached to her. I know they were just expressing their honest emotions, but every time it was like ripping stitches.

My life hasn't been bad by any means, but for the past month and a half, it's like... it's been on mute? I've still had fun, and visited my friends, and I even went to a video game convention. My niece, brother and sister-in-law visited us, and that kept me busy as well. I just always had to keep coming back to Mary and remember and process all over again.

We took down the picture last week. At first it made me angry for some reason (even though I knew it wasn't doing me any favors, I grew very attached to having it there. I never understood how someone could be attached to a grave, but I think I do now) but lately, I've actually been feeling a lot better. I've felt compelled to write in my livejournal for the first time in weeks. I'm trying to get in touch with people who have probably assumed I've dropped off the face of the planet. So, I think I'm finally finding my equilibrium again. Isn't it crazy how you can just function and not understand how something was affecting you until it's absent?

Anyway, also, I don't want to remember Mary as a picture on my desk. I want to remember her Betty Rubble giggle, and the way she put groceries into plastic bags, and how if work was dragging me down, she'd look at me and go "What do I always say, Lauren? We don't give a hoot!" When she laughed, I always felt better about whatever stupid drama I was hung up on.

Anyway, for anyone who has been wondering or worried, and for everyone who has been patient with me, I'm doing okay and thanks :) I think you'll be hearing more from me from here on out.

PS: I got a tattoo. Again.

MY DAD'S NOT A PHONE! DUH!

I'm alive. I AM! HERE IS WHAT'S UP. WITH ME. AND MY BAD SELF. Just in case you want to know.

-Work is kicking my ass. Daily. D: HOLIDAYS!

-Speaking of holidays, I had a fantabulous Thanksgiving. I worked until we closed (early! Yaay!) and then came home to find that in proud Richardson tradition, we hadn't even started cooking yet (with the exception of the turkey). So, running on pure adrenaline and maybe some crack cocaine, my mom and I managed to make a seven-dish meal for ten people in about two and a half hours. And then we got drunk. SO FUCKING THANKFUL FOR THAT PART.

No wait, actually, I am pretty thankful. And I'll tell you why. Three days before Thanksgiving, my dad was admitted into the hospital with slurred speech, and through a bunch of scans and tests, it was discovered he had suffered a minor stroke. This isn't the first time something serious has happened to my dad- about three or four years back, he had ended up in the ICU after some minor heart surgery with double blood clots in his lungs. So, obviously his blood pressure has been a problem before, but does he take it seriously? GIVE YOU THREE GUESSES. The doctor said it was lucky he checked it out, because his BP was so high when he came in, he could've stroked a second time. He's totally cool now, though he may not be once I start shoving his blood pressure medication down his throat while he sleeps. So, I feel extremely grateful both for my mom's medical paranoia which prompted her to nag my dad into the ER and my dad's ability to dodge bullets even more crucially than Neo.

-I have done nothing towards Xmas. NOTHING! I DON'T EVEN CARE! TAKE THAT, SANTA! Okay, actually, that was out of line. I'm sorry, Nick. You do yo thang. I'm not tryna oppress that.

-Lady Gaga KIIIIIIIIIINDA rules my life right now. "Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid". Part of me dies while the other delights. Such sweet agony!

-I had a dream that I downloaded a souped up version of Winamp called "Winpimp", with an interface shaped like a crunk cup. I remember being supremely impressed by the pun, even though when I woke up I realized it was only mediocre. Also, I am unsure if I used "interface" correctly. Hm.

-My mom just told me if I didn't stop typing and interrupting 'Santa's Slay', she would put ants in my bed.

I miss you guys :(

Sitting in a starbucks, waiting for the bus that will take me to NYC for my Halloween weekend kick off. So pumped. I hope you all have a fucked up awesome Halloween- thus far the only holiday where I have an excuse for my wardrobe. (If I ever have children, I am convinced I will be an awful mother and only buy them adorable hello kitty tutu skirts and dress up costumes).

Credits for my Sunday-

Thanks:

-Theo, for knowing when I need a frickin' diet coke. (Quick, drink this before you kill somebody.)

-Nico, for knowing when I'm being stupidly stubborn and campaigning hardcore to take me to the Diner. Additional mad props for treating me, even after all that. (Are you hungry, Lauren? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! That sounds like a hungry denial to me. IT'S NOOOOOOOT!!!!)

-Awesome Customer, for dumbfounding me with your niceness. Though I totally expected you to scream right in my face when your selfscan order froze and then crashed right after you had scanned your last item, you just smiled at me- SMILED!-, shrugged, and said "Oh well. Better luck next time." I think I love you, in all senses of that word... marry me.

For those playing along at home, Sunday was an awful day in which I had neither money (literally- I left my purse at home), caffeine, nor extensive patience. And yet...when I'm at my worst, y'know? Alanis Morisette was totally on the ball about that shit. Also WAT, LJ UPDATE ALREADY?! WATCH YOSELF. I'M ON THE BALL. Peace out!

What the hell, world. How is it October already?! I don't know how to feel about that. Where did September go? What did I DO in September??? I feel like I was abducted for a month.

Here's the thing. I have nothing cool to say. Life has been good! I'm working like a mother, so that's where the majority of my time has been spent, but I also did get to do some cool stuff in between- I went to two or three parties, the Haunted Forest, hung out with BFF Franky & Danny (both of which are quite possibly my future roommates), managed to FINALLY finish my body of work for Drawing Practicum and present it (it was scary), and managed to get insanely, ridiculously drunk at least once. (I was getting drunk @ aforementioned party with THE CRUSH who has now left me to go back to school. I decided to dance sexy with a baseball cap on. In the process, I ended up smacking him upside the face with the bill of it. Maybe not so sexy as I had hoped.)

One of the parties I went to was an Indians vs. Cowboys party. HOW COME I WAS THE ONLY SUMBITCH WHO DRESSED UP AT AS A NATIVE AMERICAN?! I may be white as fuck, but I gotta represent. I got teased by all the cowboy/girls. My costume was solid though- check this shizzie out- ....okay, I just realized I don't have a picture of the whole costume. Take my drunken close up snapped in someone else's bathroom instead!



I know what you're thinking- keepin' it classy.

I am so excited for Halloween! 1. Because I love dressing up in costumes like BURNING. BURNING. I am going to be a peacock this year! (taking the term 'peacocking' to a literal extreme) 2. I am going to be spending Halloween weekend in New York City with THE CRUSH. Cross your fingers that there are make outs in my future... and if there aren't, HAIIIII, dressed up as a peacock in the most ridonkulous city on this coast.

I have videos from the U2 concert that I will probably post even if everyone in the world/myfriendslist hates them! Three words for you guys- Bono. Laser jacket. Really, does any more need to be said? (Okay, yes, words like amazing, wonderful, moving, intense, beautiful!)

I may be more of a nerd than previously suspected. (Lemme just say- I suspected I was PRETTY BIG nerd before)

YEAAAAAAAH! This post feels so awkward. BUT WHATEVER, IT'S WRITTEN. I STAND BY IT. I hope you all are doing so good! I will be making a concerted effort to be more present on my LJ this month!

I'm alive! This song is amazing. I wish I could breathe through my nose. Muse/U2 on Tuesday! More later when I don't have crazy deadlines I sign up for!

I remember watching this episode a few years ago- it's weird to see it now!

I should be getting ready for work.

Yesterday I hung out hardcore with my friend Will. First we went to the pool, then the mall, then he brought over "I love you, man" and we watched it with my parents. Other little known fact about my friend Will- he was the only reason I passed sculpture class.

I'm having a movie tonight tomorrow with all my co-workers. I am ridiculously excited. HOORAY!!!! I need to rent '17 Again' ASAP for it. And clean the basement.

I REALLY ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO TO WORK. This sucks! I want to play all day instead!

I met possibly the future Mr. Rogers a week or so ago. He dates my friend/neighbor I grew up with whose name is ALSO Lauren (there were four in our neighborhood alone).

Lauren: Hey Lauren! This is my boyfriend Chris. (I think it was Chris anyway)

Me: Oh, hey Chris!

Chris: Hey there, Lauren! It's awesome to meet you!

Me: Yeah, cool, likewise. *holds out hand for handshake*

Chris: No, no. *opens arms* C'mere. Bring it in.

Me: *blinks as she is suddenly hugged* Wow, you're friendly.


I consider myself a pretty hug-y person, but that caught me hilariously off guard. Had a fun sleepover with Franky on Friday. He said something really funny that I wanted to make into a comic, and I can't remember, and now it will drive me insane. Can I quit my job yet? I shouldn't even joke about that. But seriously...can I?

Check this out.



My face is nice and normal right? (Well, actually, I'm kind of jacked up b/c I'm tired as shit and just got off work, but beyond that)

So, normal?



WRONG. Yes people. My forehead- ONLY MY FOREHEAD- is sunburned. Ocean kayaking! *shakes fist* The rest of my face was a LITTLE burned, but faded after the second day. THIS HOWEVER. Has persisted. Will continue to.

I kind of wish the whole half of my face had been sunburned so I could have a "two-face" thing going on, but whutevahs. CHECK OUT MY CRUCIAL BURN!

I had to drive through Virginia yesterday. So like, I know they say "Virginia is for lovers", but I think the saying ACTUALLY is "Virginia is for crazy militant dudes with SUV's and a trigger happy middle finger". I know, they sound lovely, but they DO have one weakness- severe allergy to cars. In fact, the bigger the car, the worse it gets. Just even being behind the wheel causes them to flail and drive in a manner not unlike an alcoholic with epilepsy. Knowing this may not attract tourists, a slight revision was made.

Some other interesting tidbits about Virginia-

FACT: The head civil engineer was stoned when he drew up the construction plans for I-95 and other major highways.

FACT: This pleased Satan so much, that he relocated to VA, intending to make the state his summer home.

FACT: Upon realizing that those pesky humans might enter this state and mess with his sweet condo plans, Satan cursed all roads of Virginia with unreasonably low speed limits, tons of cops, constant traffic jams, and other craziness to dissuade drivers.

In short, eff Virginia.

EDIT: Due to astraybucanneer's VA presence, it's been upgraded, and some cool points have been restored.

I shall ammend my "eff Virginia" statement as merely a "*indifferent shrug* Virginia." ;)
In other news, I had an awesome few days at the beach, and I will post pictures!

Conversations I ACTUALLY had with people today-

Me: Good afternoon, Olney Giant, this is Lauren speaking, can I help you?
Customer: Is this the Giant?!
Me: Yes.
Customer: In Olney?!
Me: ...yes.
Customer: Who am I talking with!?


Customer: How does this hand scanner work?
Me: Well, you just push this button and scan the item.
Customer: That's too complicated for me.

And one from Friday, just because it fits.

Customer: Why isn't the corn coming up on sale?
Me: Oh, well, this is the first day of the new sale week.
Customer: But they were just on sale last night!
Me: Yes, true, because yesterday was the last day of the sale.
Customer: So why aren't they on sale today?!

*bashes head against wall*

Hahahaha. Oh god. I stared at this blankly up until 0:38 at which point I burst into uncontrollable laughter. And I don't even know squat about Full Metal Alchemist.

Okay, so, overwhelming majority suggest keeping my fan journal and reg. journal one in the same. :) Works for me! I was afraid my constant stream of RL stuff would annoy people who possibly friended me for fandom-only interests, but YOU GUYS. ♥ I feel the lurv.

Things I did at work today!

-Dealt with Crazy B #1 to kick off my Tuesday morning- 7 AM! SERIOUSLY?! AT LEAST GIVE ME LEEWAY UNTIL 9.

- Collected my cigarette order from receiving

- verified order and put cartons away

- filled empty spots in case

- started writing order for next week

- wrote down line-up assignments and breaks, proceeded to give/watch them throughout course of day

- fixed cash machine error on Self Scan #2

- 7 money orders, 12 western unions, 3 rainchecks

- Gave overrides, price checks ect. to registers and pharmacy as needed

- Added 9 NOF cartons to the electronic file (FINALLY)

- Audited four pans

- made up and printed up forty-something PAG forms

- Updated the Lane Tracking Sheet

- tech call to get our lottery back online- lasted a full half hour, and involved me doing crazy shit like climbing on the counter to reach the stupid satellite box and several awkward exchanges where the customers thought I was talking to them when really it was the tech guy.

- all refunds/exchanges/questions/coupons in between this.

- Number of breaks I received: 1/2

- Number of breaks I'm supposed to legally receive: 2

I AM TIRED. I wish I could say this was an exceptionally insane day for me, but actually, it could only really be considered "pretty busy". D:

I get two days off starting tomorrow, so hopefully I can use them to catch up on some drawings I've been meaning to do.

HOORAY FOR BEING DONE WITH WORK TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poll #1430893 This is such a crucial question
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15

Should I make a separate journal for art/fanfic?

I suck at making polls!

This never fails to make me laugh. I'm in the closet like "what the fuck is going on!?" Hahahahaha.

This is the best song in the world to draw to (in my own opinion, of course). I put this on repeat and my hand just goes crazy. I haven't been updating the ol' LJ as frequently, I'm still here! :) How are you guys?

I was talking to my co-worker the other day, and the subject of one night stands came up. “Why do you think it’s not okay for a woman to sleep around, but it is for a man?” Of course, a billion reasons jumped to mind, but it was obvious that my co-worker meant to answer his own question, so I waited.

“Because it’s an abuse of power.”

Wow. I’ve heard a lot of extremely ignorant opinions in my life, but this one floored me. I asked him if he thought there were any other reasons a woman might not feel okay engaging in casual sex, and he replied that there were NONE THAT WERE STILL VALID TODAY. Glossing over the finer points such as double standards, sexual oppression, maybe the fact that at one point in history we were legally considered property, my co-worker did not even have the perspective to speculate on the risk women assume when engaging in casual sex.

Some tidbits I dug up on the intronets for everyone reading along-

According to www.rainn.org, 1 in 6 women have been a victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. The statistic they give for men is 1 in 33.

Of the 31 homicides that occurred last year in the circumstance of rape, 30 of the 31 victims were female. (fbi.gov)

In fact, rape victims are so predominantly female that the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reporting handbook defines the act as follows “Forcible rape, as defined in the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) Program, is the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will.” Sexual attacks on males are not categorized as rape, but rather as sexual offenses or aggravated assault. (FBI data for 2007 says there were 90,427 cases of REPORTED forcible rape in the United States.)

When assessing the victim/offender relationship tallies of homicides, ‘wife’ is the fourth largest category (preceded by ‘unknown’, ‘stranger’, and ‘acquaintance’) and girlfriend is the sixth (preceded by ‘friend’).

Some research has indicated that women are more vulnerable to contracting AIDS and HIV. Worldhealthreport.org cites these possible reasons-

“The female genital tract has a greater exposed surface area than the male genital tract; therefore women may be prone to greater risk of infection with every exposure. Younger women might be even more biologically vulnerable to HIV infection because they have less mature tissue and are often victims of coercive or forced sex.”

According to a 2007 CDC report, three times as many women in the United States had chlamydia than men, and women also had a higher gonorrhea rate (these facts were taken from www.cdc.gov). The long term risks of these diseases for women include infertility.

And speaking of fertility, women also bear the risk of pregnancy, should contraceptives fail or she be forcibly raped.

I think it’s obvious that none of these reasons are empowering to women.

Do I believe that women should not engage in casual sex? Absolutely not. Do I deny that power can have a roll in sexual interactions? Again, no. But to hear that perspective, a slightly resentful one at that, from a male I trust and work with sickened me. He honestly couldn’t see that safety was a factor? REALLY? The only reason I can find for his answer is that he has never truly tried to educate himself about or consider a woman’s perspective about this matter, even though he professed to understand it.

Anyone who has any other opinions, feel free to chime in, because I fear I’m not eloquent/educated enough on this subject to really do it justice, despite the fact that I feel strongly about it.

I'm in Houston visiting my cousins and uncle! I meant to do so much internet stuff when I was here, because I was making the assumption that my uncle would have to work, but he actually took a couple days off to hang out with us! That coupled with the internet being out since I've been here means I didn't get a thing done. But, I'm not too sad about it. Yesterday we went to the beach, where we swam and I went ocean kayaking! It was so crucially fun! I've never done that before, but I definitely want to do it again soon. The day before my uncle took me to the Galleria (mind-blowingly huge mall with an ice skating rink in it) with Vanessa and my cousin Amanda and we shopped for evers. We've been fishing and have been making our way through Lord of the Rings extended version. My uncle has taken me out to a billion nice restaurants (SEAFOOD! YUM!) and I've gotten to spend a lot of quality time with my cousins. Tonight we're watching Teansformers 1 and then we're going to an Imax 11:30 showing of Transformers 2.

I really like spending time with my uncle. He reminds me so strongly of my dad, but his affection and approval is just so much more tangible than my father's. Not that my dad is a hardass or anything, but he can be kind of... not present. With my uncle, I don't have to prod him, or actively try to please him to get him to talk to me or pay attention. He always makes me feel like he wants to be spending time with me, and that that act alone makes him happy. It's really nice, and always makes me feel special. I guess it's easier when you don't see someone all the time.

Anywho, I've had a blast. Taking an evening flight home tomorrow, and then back to work! Hopefully I can use my plane time to get some stuff done. :)